"Either one is free or one is not.
The concept of freedom is an absolute.
After all, one cannot be moderately dead,
moderately loved, or moderately free" (c)
This topic have been around for longer than I am, but hence it's been somehow present in my life recently, I thought I ought to make my point.
The modern society tells you from a young age, that we all are equal, and men and women have the same rights, opportunities, ambitions, and as the matter of fact - they also say - outcome and achievements. One of the recent moves from the British government was to break the glass ceiling to enable the women get their way to the boardrooms in a larger numbers. And I fully support the move, as surely there are women who desire these positions but struggle to break through the mentality and the customs of the male dominating society of chief executives. I mean that 0.005% (NB: % is random guess) of us who are privileged to be there in the first place.
Not being an executive in one of the 100 FTSE companies myself, I see this as a far cry of an idea to help modern mothers to find the right family-work balance.
First example, a family where a mother is, in fact, a CEO of the large company, married to a man, who occupation is unknown to me. They have twins girls age 2 and a half and a 5 month-old baby baby. She returned to work after 6 month maternity leave with twins and is planning the same move with the third baby. Herself and her husband opted for an option of a living in nanny - ahh, actually it's a manny, a man-nanny, the sweetest guy I've ever seen and so hands on with the girls. They called him mum at some point!
Another example, my friend, who graduated one of the best schools in London, and worked as a high level manager until she had her second child. She managed the busy household, with two kids, and, by the way, part time job, for another year, until it became clear that the part time role was not particularly welcome in the long term. Not a single word was said aloud! But her choice was simply obvious. "I, who would always had a fixed year or two year plan, have no idea, where I would be in six months time! And I am very much looking forward to it" she says, "I decided to take a bakery course, and will deal with the house improvements in the interim future!". Does she believe in the equal opportunities between men and women? "We are brought up thinking there are, but in reality, once you have a child, any equality is gone with a wind! I want to take part in my children's life". Nappy changing process is important indeed but not a much as understanding what's going on in your child's life, what his interests and dreams are. It's very easy to loose the moment and you may regret about it for all your life.
Another example, my friend, who graduated one of the best schools in London, and worked as a high level manager until she had her second child. She managed the busy household, with two kids, and, by the way, part time job, for another year, until it became clear that the part time role was not particularly welcome in the long term. Not a single word was said aloud! But her choice was simply obvious. "I, who would always had a fixed year or two year plan, have no idea, where I would be in six months time! And I am very much looking forward to it" she says, "I decided to take a bakery course, and will deal with the house improvements in the interim future!". Does she believe in the equal opportunities between men and women? "We are brought up thinking there are, but in reality, once you have a child, any equality is gone with a wind! I want to take part in my children's life". Nappy changing process is important indeed but not a much as understanding what's going on in your child's life, what his interests and dreams are. It's very easy to loose the moment and you may regret about it for all your life.
Most of the women are not the bread-winners in their families and when it comes to the question who's picking up children from the school, "my wife is" is some sort of the obvious answer.
Yet lots of these women manage to set up their own businesses or develop a career in a new field, one which requires less hours spent in the office. Many are getting various qualifications, for yet various reasons - which start from keeping the perspective of the future career alive to simply meeting people with whom you don't discuss nappies-sleeping patterns-weaning routing-after school classes but have, what I call, 'adult' conversations about much less meaningful topics such as global warming, latest Pulitzer prize winners and the eurozone debt crisis.
As a mother of a one and a half year old I commit to my company for 4 days a week while my son is getting the advantage of the nursery education for the sake of 75% of my monthly salary. Does it break my heart to sneak from the house while he is watching Postman Pat on CBeebies at 7.10 every morning to avoid that 'ma-ma-ma-ma' cry? It does. But I get an opportunity to progress with my career to satisfy the little monster inside me called 'ambition'. I don't dream about a six-figure salary. I am not even sure I am attracted to a possibility to ever become a partner in my company. And the promotion letter I received on Thursday did please the inner side of myself, the one who pushed all other parts to get through the British educational system to receive the third degree sitting the exams when my son was seven days old and getting my professional qualification when he was six months old. But does it make me entirely happy? Well, the idea that my son would be proud of me one day probably does. Do I feel in the slightest way that my opportunities are equal to the ones of the same age guy who stays in the office late being able to take twice my workload, has no sick leaves because his son's molars are cutting through and attends social events frequently. I will dare to say no.
Technically the opportunities are there, but your choice is somewhat very limited if you want to be present in your children's life little bit more than two hours on a weekday combined with a 48 hours on weekend. Freedom of choice but the freedom itself is in moderation. So no wonder that some women skip the idea of motherhood in all its 'bugaboo-pushing glory' on their life agenda. Coming back to the government incentives in this area, maybe they should start by getting in the government more women with children and fixed time schedules, the ones how would have to leave the Parliament at 2.30pm to make it to the school pick up.
vasha Tasha
Technically the opportunities are there, but your choice is somewhat very limited if you want to be present in your children's life little bit more than two hours on a weekday combined with a 48 hours on weekend. Freedom of choice but the freedom itself is in moderation. So no wonder that some women skip the idea of motherhood in all its 'bugaboo-pushing glory' on their life agenda. Coming back to the government incentives in this area, maybe they should start by getting in the government more women with children and fixed time schedules, the ones how would have to leave the Parliament at 2.30pm to make it to the school pick up.
vasha Tasha
